Book Review: It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend: Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success By: Richard Lavoie

                Writing as someone who has experience working with individuals who are living day to day with a learning disability, I understand how difficult it can be to watch a child struggle not only with learning daily living skills but also with forming and maintaining friendships. And in hoping to teach a disabled child social skills, a parent and caregiver become a life-long instructor.

Richard Lavoie continuously emphasizes this point in his book, It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend: Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success. Overall, the author seems to understand children and teens with disabilities as he discusses the impact social learning deficits have on their relationships.

                This concept seems to be a major goal of the book, as well as, helping parents and caregivers of children with disabilities recognize that a child’s “deficits” are the result of neurological problems that make it difficult for them to make socially acceptable decisions and remain focused on tasks. The author provides some strategies for parents and even children to practice. The purpose of all of the strategies is to help in reinforcing positive social skills. Along with this, Lavoie maintains that punishment for unwanted behavior is not the key and can be detrimental to a child’s learning, especially a child with a learning disability. In other words, it will stop behavior only in that situation, but it does not have lasting effects.

                A major thing the book lacks is relatable data and research. The author cites some studies every so often. However, the strategies he suggests seem to be based more on opinion and personal experience then actual data. There is no way to know if Lavoie’s theory really works and whether the children he worked with improved their social skills. Despite this, I have implemented some of the author’s suggestions in my daily interactions with the children I work with, and I have seen positive results. However, I feel that it is important for parents and caregivers to remember that each child with a disability is unique and an individual. Just because something might work with one child, does not mean that you will see the same results in another.

                Overall, I feel that this book, although lacking in research, is an excellent resource for anyone wanting to learn more about some strategies to help your child succeed socially. In my opinion, this book is a great starting place, especially if you do not have one. 

Please email with questions, comments or concerns.

 -Kristin L.

Reference

Lavoie, R. (2005). It's so much work to be your friend: helping the child with learning disbilities find social success. New York, NY: Touchstone.